no looking back

Well, I did it. I turned in my resignation. I even slid it under my boss’ locked door, so I couldn’t chicken out and retrieve it. I will be a homemaker in six week’s time. I had hoped to stretch it out a few more months, but the stress was putting a huge strain on our marriage.

 After more than a quarter of a century in the trenches of healthcare, the burnout had escalated to panic attacks, depression,  weight gain and insomnia. I had a decent job, better than average patient ratios, excellent pay and pricey benefits, and a good boss. But I can’t hack it anymore. My spouse had given me his blessing, but withdrew emotionally when I tried to stick it out to meet certain goals.

And all along, I felt God staring down at me and tapping his toes.I had asked for this. He had provided the way,  the means, and the blessings and still I hesitated. When my spouse withdrew,  I realized that God wanted me to lean on him. It sounds so simple. And God has brought us through some very tough times. I’m not supposed to muddle my way through this alone, or count on my spouse. God wants me to lean on him.

Lesson learned. 

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