I felt a little out of sorts today

I have worked for 40 years. I had paper routes at 10 years old, followed by babysitting gigs at 13. At 16 I started making minimum wage at various odd jobs from a zoo to a pizza place . I started working at the bedside of healthcare in 1990. Fast forward 26.5 years later, and the burnout is so palpable that I can barely function. I have lived life in a semi panic mode for a quarter of a century. I survived those long hard years, I didn’t thrive in them. I see my contemporaries with their broken bodies, minds and spirits struggling to make it through the endless shifts. How much human suffering can you see before you can’t see anymore?

So I find myself here in this curious place, like a prisoner about to make bail. In five short weeks I will earn my last paycheck. I will learn to depend on God and my spouse for my sustenance. It’s a curious place to be.

I’m not feeling melancholy, just unsettled. I’ve started googling “retired, now what?” to examine the psychological impact of what I am about to embark on. It seems that a schedule with built in self improvement goals is on the horizon. I have also been praying for the means to afford a second vehicle. Let’s see qhat happens.


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