I need to do a study on this. I still can’t watch a suspenseful show on tv without getting anxiety. I don’t want to be around new people or situations. I wanted to do some medically related volunteer work, but the thought of cranky folks who don’t cover their mouths when they cough is enough to turn me away. I can barely babysit for 4 hours without being completely exhausted. I have yet to heal from my long time in the trenches.
I was blessed to be able to cash in some retirement money and pay off a loan to dad, and purchase a vehicle from him. They are downsizing to one car to save money.
So I just quit my second job in 2 weeks. The clinic practices were sketchy, there was no sunlight, and I felt like the lone Indian to 2 chiefs. Apparently I have a very low tolerance for crappe or micromanagement. There were some serious liability issues at stake.
I am relieved not to have to go back.
Hubs just wants me to.make a decision and stick to it. He wants off of the roller coaster of anxiety. We’re very close, so my trials and trevails are his as well. Part of me is still winded up very tight, not daring to relax. Part of me wants something to angst over.
One Good thing to come out of sketchy job was an renewed interest in weight loss and fitness. I’m experimenting with fasting and motivation (self hypnosis). I also gave up alcohol and sugar for lent.
I’ve been meaning to write a bit about the psychology of retirement as it unfolds for me. I recently read a great reddit article, (sorry no link), about how one person dealt with the boredom that ensued for him and how he developed coping strategies for staying relevant and engaged with society.
Being semi retired at 50 is similar to winning the lottery. You can’t share your joy to much or you get accused of bragging. It’s better to be humble, understated and occasionally amusing. I landed a part time job that helps me keep my professional lisence, but I wouldn’t dare discuss my dream gig on Facebook. The old adage that misery loves company holds true. If you’re to happy, people don’t want to hear about it.
My body is still adjusting to sleeping at night and being awake when the sun is shining. Only a few times have I bounded out of bed, eager and motivated to start my day. I struggle with motivation, I want to make this time in my life count. I don’t want to waste it.
It’s nice not to be frustrated. I have time to clean, and to read and write. I take days off. I cook and have the energy to experiment in the kitchen. Note to self, the summer squash thing is awful. I am trying to develop new routines for exercise and meditation. I’m cracking the bible open more often, moseying through the new testament and absorbing the truths therein.
I work one day a week, and we’re at church on Sunday. We keep the grandkids at least once per week. Hubs is home 3 nights per week, so it’s really only 4 evenings per week that I’m alone. We have 6 furry companions that keep me company all the time. I am content, happy, peace and still getting used to not being stressed out all of the time.
My phone is acting like the battery is dying a slow death. It will appear charged one minute and then continually turn itself off. I have cleared off all nonessential apps. And yes, I prayed for God to fix it. I’ve prayed for God to fix our car, our washing machine and the leak in our refrigerator. I routinely ask God to bless our legal and financial issues. Smooth transitions in life take prayer, hard work and good stewardship.
This reminds me of a testimony that my kids’ grandmother once gave about her refrigerator. It quit working and she was very poor. She had her sons haul it out to the porch, no one could afford a replacement. So Granny prayed for God to intervene. Now she was a woman of great faith, there was no running an extension cord out to the porch to see if her prayers were answered. She had her sons haul it back in the house. They plugged it in, and it worked for another 5 years.
Now my refrigerator still leaks, but just barely. My washing machine will have a bad week, but with prayer it will start working again. And our only car’s check engine light came back on, time to pray.